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when AVOIDANT is TRULY SERIOUS about you, this WILL happen... ! ! !

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxlNHPLQTos

The speaker, a therapist, lists the signs that an avoidant (mostly dismissive, or fearful leaning dismissive) partner is serious and committed, framing avoidants as content alone, so any effort toward you is significant.

Key points

  • Avoidants can love and change, but slowly. If a relationship runs years with both doing the work and none of these signs appear, it may not reach the commitment you want.
  • They become more self-aware of their behavior and emotions (e.g. owning that they forgot to text and explaining why).
  • They apologize and hold themselves accountable, or welcome being held accountable.
  • After intimacy, a date, or resolving an argument they express how they feel ("I enjoyed that," "I feel better"); they rarely ask how you feel back, which reflects underdeveloped communication "muscles," not lack of care.
  • They ask about your family, friends, or day, even briefly ("How's your mom?"); the speaker says they heard every detail and asking at all is a lot for them, since they do not even track their own lives that way.
  • They protect the specific things you add to their life, often tangibly (a shirt you bought, food you cook, the scheduled days you spend together) rather than verbally.
  • They are honest even when it disappoints you, invest in the relationship (hard conversations, defending it to others), and share day-to-day stressors.
  • They expect you to work on your own attachment issues too (jealousy is the example the speaker says recurs in sessions).
  • They tell you they do not want to hurt, disappoint, or make you cry, usually after resolving something.
  • The most important sign: they fulfill your requests (planning a vacation, more couple time) even when they personally do not see the point, because giving is vulnerability and avoidants struggle most with the giving side.