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FOOLPROOF way to get ANY AVOIDANT to LOVE you FOREVER

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mx2vM2ZZsz4

The speaker, a therapist, claims avoidants do not fear love or commitment itself but what it signifies (lost autonomy, broken trust, failure at emotions they have not learned to handle), and that easing those underlying fears makes them more willing to commit.

Key points

Reframe the fear

  • Avoidance often presents as stubbornness, rigidness, or refusing to be told what to do, not visible fear. Tied to strict upbringing and high childhood expectations.
  • Analogy used throughout: social anxiety. Such people fear ridicule and judgment, not socializing itself, so they avoid social situations. Avoidants similarly fear failure, loss of autonomy, and broken trust, which is what commitment signifies. (Speaker stresses social anxiety and avoidant attachment are separate conditions.)
  • Just as you do not force a socially anxious person on stage, do not pressure an avoidant into commitment; pressure makes it worse.

Six suggestions for a partner

  • Provide space: built-in space, not weeks of silence or on-off cycles. E.g. see each other once or twice a week, do not always stay the night, keep separate trips, friends, and hobbies. Shows their autonomy is not threatened by committing.
  • Offer reassurance for specific fears (loss of space, manipulation), e.g. "I'm not trying to take your space, do you need me to back off?" or "I'm not manipulating you, I'm being genuine." Reassures trust will not be broken.
  • Acknowledge their efforts and appreciate what they do, which addresses the fear of failure.
  • Reinforce your own trustworthiness by being consistent and reliable, modeling the behavior.
  • Communicate your feelings (e.g. wanting more consistency) without expecting immediate change.

  • Respect and accountability: avoid disrespectful behaviors (eye-rolling, crossed arms, pouting); apologize when you slip.

  • Caveat from the speaker: commitment with avoidants, especially dismissive avoidants, takes longer and is a gradual process requiring patience.

Note: the title promises a "foolproof" method to make "any" avoidant love you "forever"; the speaker is more hedged, saying it "works a lot of the time" and citing no studies.