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I was wrong about women (and you probably are too)

Channel: Dan Bacon
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxViiSHbK-0

TL;DR: Dan Bacon claims he spent years failing with women by chasing five "upgrades" (looks, niceness, a better job, and so on), and argues none of them matter compared to the ability to spark a woman's attraction through confidence and how the interaction makes her feel.

Key points

  • He says women were neutral toward him for years because he focused on five things he wrongly believed would make him a catch.

Mistake 1: Looking as good as possible

  • Spent money on expensive shirts, best shoe stores, $300 shoes (a lot 25 years ago), teeth whitening, tanning salons, blonde tips in his hair.
  • Result: more looks and compliments ("nice shoes/shirt"), but no real interest.
  • He claims women sensed his nervousness, insecurity, and self-doubt, which canceled out the appearance upgrades. His stated takeaway: women aren't attracted to self-doubt and insecurity.

Mistake 2: Treating a woman better than other guys

  • Heard women say they dislike jerks, players, and arrogant guys, so he tried to be the "nice guy" they claimed to want.
  • He says this still produced no attraction.

Mistake 3: Getting a better job

  • Got an office job at a good brand-name company and mentioned it to women at after-work drinks.
  • He claims it didn't work; conversations stayed dry and interview-like ("what's your name, what do you do") and women lost interest.

Mistake 4: Assuming he wasn't good-looking enough

  • He assumed attractive women dismissed him for his looks no matter how much he "leveled up."
  • He claims attractive women have varied tastes and don't all want male-model types or already-successful men.
  • He argues a woman can feel strong attraction to a guy outside her ideal physical type if he is confident, creates a spark, adds flirting/sexual tension, and acts like he is already good enough rather than trying to win her over.
  • Claims even good-looking guys make the same "not good-looking enough" assumption; their struggles come from how they interact, not appearance.
  • Says many good-looking guys wait for women to approach instead of approaching, so they only attract less attractive women, and avoid approaching attractive women out of fear of humiliation.
  • Claims most guys are intimidated by attractive women and act nervous and approval-seeking, so such women rarely meet a guy who is simply normal and self-assured around them.

Mistake 5: Showing he was only interested in her

  • Heard women say they want a sincere guy, so when talking to a group of women he focused only on the one he liked and stayed neutral toward her friends.
  • Reason it backfired (per Dan): it's better when the other women also feel attracted and approve; ignoring them signals a lack of charm and "emotional generosity," prompting "girl code" warnings that he isn't cool.
  • Second reason: laser-focusing on one woman reads as needy and desperate, while being relaxed and including the group signals he isn't desperate and that other women find him attractive.

What he says actually matters

  • The core question is whether you can spark her attraction during the interaction, versus leaving her feeling neutral.
  • Example: "Man A" seems nervous and tries hard to keep the conversation going; "Man B" stays confident and casual. He claims the woman feels more attracted to Man B because he can spark attraction.

Reception

  • Appreciative, with several long comments thanking Bacon for years of trial-and-error and treating the personal admission of mistakes as relatable.
  • Many commenters say they recognized themselves in all five mistakes, with one joking he has a "perfect record" of making every one.
  • Recurring theme of social anxiety: a high-liked comment describes freezing around attractive women and even giving accidental "dirty looks," asking for tips, and others reply with reassurance and grounding advice.
  • Several report concrete improvement and dates after applying the material, crediting it directly.
  • A couple share supporting anecdotes (teen good looks fading into being "just another guy," a "stingy"/selfish coworker label finally clicking) and one cites Diego Rivera as proof attraction is not about looks.