THIS Is Surprisingly What A Long Term Relationship Looks Like With An Avoidant ?</3?

Channel: Thais Gibson - Personal Development School
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWcKbdqCa6o

Maps a long-term relationship with a dismissive avoidant across the six relationship stages, contrasting an avoidant who does no inner work with one who does.

Key points

• The six stages: dating, honeymoon, power struggle, stability, commitment, bliss (the last being the honeymoon feeling but with deep knowledge of each other). The power struggle stage is where most relationships break down, and couples can get stuck there for decades.
• Avoidants operate from "feelings minus fears," and the fears only come online after they have actually attached. So they show up well in dating and early honeymoon (present, attentive), then back off as the bond deepens and fears of engulfment, lost autonomy, pressure, and being seen as defective activate.
• Not doing the work: the avoidant reads comfort as permission to stop trying ("we are good, I do not have to try so hard"), which others read as withdrawal or abandonment, triggering the power struggle. Perceiving criticism or pressure, the avoidant retreats like a turtle into its shell -- less effort, less initiation, learned helplessness -- and self-numbs (alcohol, food, TV, video games) rather than co-regulating. Long term this looks "halfway in, halfway out": caring but retreated.
• Doing the work: still gets cold feet, but in the power struggle stage they communicate (e.g. asking for gentler phrasing), state needs, actively listen, and -- crucially -- show up in actions more than words, often stepping away and returning later to follow through. Emotional regulation, patience, consistency, and initiation improve, letting the couple move into stability, commitment, and bliss.
• Advice: vet by actions not words; set a deadline for the change you need, and if there is no effort or progress, assume what you see now is what you will get.