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I am working on myself, he is working on himself, we choose to do this together to stay together so

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nub0o49S348

Mack Herman describes her own experience as a healing dismissive avoidant in a relationship with an anxious partner, arguing that avoidants heal by doing the work inside a relationship, not before one.

Key points

  • Both anxious and avoidant people can work toward security; there is room for both to grow.
  • Avoidants heal through repetition inside a relationship -- getting reps in rather than just knowing their attachment style.
  • Her shutdowns still happen but are getting shorter; built-up security in the relationship means she can come back to communication within minutes rather than much longer.
  • The dynamic is imperfect but workable: his anxiety still triggers some avoidance in her, and her shutdowns still trigger anxiety in him -- progress is in working through it together.