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Why the people YOU LIKE DON'T like you BACK: how attraction messes with your head

Channel: Orion Taraban
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pem2XG-BI_U

Dr. Orion Taraban argues the people you're attracted to don't reciprocate because you treat them differently from the people you're indifferent to - and it's that indifferent, take-it-or-leave-it attitude that actually generates attraction.

Key points

  • The recurring irony of dating: when you're really interested, they don't reciprocate; when you can take or leave someone, they pursue you.
  • The mistake almost nobody notices: people treat those they're attracted to differently from those they're not. But whatever you do with people you're not attracted to is working - those are the ones pursuing you.
  • False belief being corrected: that your normal behavior "wouldn't work" on the hotter/more-wanted targets. What works on people you're not attracted to works on people you are, because the attraction exists only in your head - it's not an objective fact. There aren't two species of people, just one; what works on people in general works on people in particular.
  • The active ingredient is indifference - the take-it-or-leave-it attitude: they're nice, nothing wrong with them, someone better is probably out there; you enjoy their company but won't miss, pursue, or anxiously wait on them.
  • It won't feel authentic at first, but you don't abandon what works elsewhere in life just because of a feeling. It's low-risk because you already have proof it works - it has produced the result many times, just with the "undesired target."
  • Note: this is the setup episode; he says he has more to say next time. No studies cited - it's framed as personal observation.

Reception

  • Very engaged, largely agreeing room, with the top comments mostly clarifying/reframing the message rather than disputing it. Most-liked (3.3k): don't be obsessed and obvious - treat someone you like as a normal person, don't put them on a pedestal.
  • The dominant reframe pushes back on "fake indifference": it's not pretending you don't like them, it's training your brain to see them as normal people, "not shooting stars" (1.7k likes). Others note you're simply more authentic and relaxed with people you're not attracted to, and that pedestal-pleasing repels.
  • Distilled action versions circulate: "Stop chasing; keep busy; enjoy your life"; George Costanza's "when I like them they don't like me"; the French "run from me and I follow, follow me and I run." A woman shares a story of casually agreeing to a broken date at 35, prompting a callback and 36-year marriage.
  • Notable pushback thread: several say indifference only works if there's already mutual chemistry - "no amount of indifference will cause a person to like you," and social games don't create attraction. Others argue the premise doesn't map cleanly from men to women (a man may prefer the woman who's openly happy to see him).
  • Skeptics reduce it to "only looks matter" or note it's near-impossible to genuinely feel indifferent toward someone you love - the real value is coping with rejection so the stakes feel lower.