Avoidance isn't about distance, it's about protection

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qK6c1gXVb-A

Avoidant attachment is not really about avoiding other people -- it is about avoiding one's own feelings, and healing requires learning to sit with discomfort instead of running from it.

Key points

• Avoidants flee the mirror -- the internal question of "what am I actually feeling?" -- not the other person.
• They were never taught that feeling and being safe could coexist, so they stay distant and in control as self-protection.
• The contradiction is exhausting: craving closeness and intimacy while feeling suffocated the moment it arrives.
• Healing does not mean suddenly being perfect; it means communicating honestly ("I'm scared, I don't know how to stay, but I'm trying") -- that is secure behavior.
• The goal is learning it is safe to be seen, not forcing yourself to be magically different.