stop doing this...! it PUSHES AVOIDANTS away..!

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKpj0FPy5iQ

The speaker, a therapist, lists six mostly-subconscious body-language cues that avoidant individuals read as disrespect, which makes them withdraw or stop pursuing a connection.

Key points

• Avoidants are commonly triggered by body language, not just nagging or pressure. They perceive these cues as disrespect and respond by feeling unwelcome and pulling back emotionally.
• Crossed arms: reads as uninterested, upset, or closed off; triggering for both dismissive and fearful avoidants. With someone they want to pursue, it reads as "this person doesn't like me."
• Rolling eyes: most triggering for dismissive avoidants (common in anxious-preoccupied partners). The speaker calls it a relationship make-or-break that avoidants "do not tolerate."
• Being on a phone/device/book during a conversation: reads as prioritizing something trivial over them; especially triggering for fearful avoidants.
• Leaning away: creates a physical and emotional barrier. The speaker claims dismissive avoidants, especially men, are highly attuned to a partner's interest, so this reads as lack of respect.
• Disappointed facial expression without saying what is wrong: feels like being made to read your mind, or (for fearful avoidants) like manipulation to get them to submit. Say what is bothering you.
• Sighing without explaining: read as deliberate distancing; they assume you are unhappy and not telling them.
• Advised remedy: if you do these unintentionally (e.g. social anxiety), name it so the avoidant does not read it as disrespect, and verbalize feelings rather than signal them.