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you're not chasing them, you're chasing safety

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qd9nT031ndk

The urge to chase after someone pulls away is not weakness but a nervous system panic response seeking safety, and the only real fix is learning to create that safety internally.

Key points

  • When someone withdraws, the attachment system reads their silence as danger and demands action -- texting, calling, chasing -- to restore a sense of safety.
  • Chasing and ruminating keep the nervous system stuck in survival mode; they do not actually calm it.
  • Healing means shifting the source of safety from the other person to yourself; once that internal rewiring begins, the urge to chase fades on its own.