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If an AVOIDANT does this, they are SECRETLY GRATEFUL to have you

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCe1YJuxjqI

The speaker, a therapist, lists signs an avoidant partner is grateful for you, arguing the gratitude is often real but unstated, sometimes even unrecognized by the avoidant themselves.

Key points

  • Direct appreciation: saying thank you or acknowledging your efforts, sometimes framed as guilt ("I know I'm difficult and I appreciate you're there") - more common with dismissive avoidants.
  • Sharing positive news (e.g. a promotion) with you signals they feel safe and unjudged; avoidants rarely open up to many people.
  • Listening attentively and following up on small things you mentioned (like a friend's job search) - not because they care about the friend, but because they value that you opened up to them.
  • Supporting your goals and dreams so you feel free to be yourself; partly driven by not wanting you to leave.
  • Small acts of kindness and remembering little details (offering to drop off soup when you're sick); avoidants often express care physically rather than verbally.
  • Verbal acknowledgement, which may need prompting; avoidants tend to answer honestly. Framing requests as "it helps me feel acknowledged" lands better than "it makes me feel you don't care."
  • Being reliable and trustworthy, and respecting your boundaries, opinions, and individuality.
  • Making an effort to change attachment issues over time, which the speaker says should happen in all relationships.
  • The speaker says simply being in the relationship is itself the main proof of gratitude.