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Because deep down, they don't think they are worth it

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBlq1_LRGYQ

Avoidants seek out devoted partners who make them feel worthy, then pull away once the relationship deepens because real intimacy triggers their fear of being fully seen.

Key points

  • Avoidants are drawn to partners who love them most -- loyal, consistent people who make them feel chosen and enough.
  • Once closeness becomes real (around the 3-, 7-, or 12-month mark), their attachment wiring activates and the same comfort starts to feel suffocating.
  • They respond by pulling back: slower texts, canceling plans, rewriting the story ("you're too much," "this feels off").
  • The real issue is not the partner being too much -- it is the avoidant's unhealed fear of being fully seen.
  • They want the feeling of being chosen without the responsibility of staying; they pick the right person just to confirm to themselves they can't be healed.