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yes, AVOIDANTS do fall in LOVE... and they tend to fall DEEPLY

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHBcCmhfvxk

A therapist's claimed observations of the signs an avoidant partner (dismissive or fearful) loves you, framed around the idea that for avoidants, changing for you and loving you are the same thing.

Key points

  • Avoidants resist change because changing means admitting they were hurt and are imperfect; so willingness to change for you signals love.
  • Many avoidants take a long time to say "I love you" or to even realize they love someone; absence of the words does not mean absence of love.
  • Telling an avoidant they don't love or care about you enough backfires: it makes them self-conscious about their feelings and shuts them down.

Signs the speaker says indicate an avoidant loves you:

  • They recognize their own triggers, or take it well when you point one out; example given of a partner who yells over a perceived passive-aggressive double-text, then self-corrects and apologizes.
  • They show remorse, apologize, and make an effort to change a behavior. Their internal logic is described as calculative ("this person will be here, so I'll adjust"), not romantic, but counted as their version of love.
  • They expand what they share about themselves: finances, family group chats, investments (e.g. a Roth), private routines.
  • They state appreciation, often a month later or after an argument, especially for specific or personal gifts.
  • The relationship keeps growing slightly rather than going stagnant; speaker claims committed avoidants stay loyal and keep building, unlike secure couples whose effort decreases over years.
  • They become attached to specific things about you (a dish you make, the way you hold them) as an indirect way to express love.
  • They are indirectly proud of the relationship, seeking a "gold star" for progress (not getting irritated, fixing something without anger).
  • They accommodate your needs even while acting reluctant (e.g. holding hands in public).
  • They blurt that if they didn't want you in their life you wouldn't be there, since they cut most people off.