Skip to content

this means an AVOIDANT finds YOU ATTRACTIVE

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFbfU5yaZ70

The speaker, a therapist, claims avoidant attraction is rooted in emotional safety and respect rather than the physical, so they signal interest in indirect, achievement-oriented ways that are easy to miss.

Key points

  • Avoidant attraction correlates love and respect with attraction; it is the least physically-driven of the attachment styles, unlike anxious individuals whose attraction is more physical.
  • They compliment your intelligence or being well-versed; having grown up valued for achievement over emotions, they find knowledge magnetic.
  • Physical compliments are framed as effort-based ("the outfit you put together looks great," "you put a lot of effort into it") rather than "you're beautiful."
  • Ask them directly and they will give an honest yes; avoidants tend to be direct. They only bristle if they think you are implying they are not doing enough.
  • Suggested tactic if they get triggered: add reassurance, e.g. "I'm not asking because I think you don't, I just need to know."
  • Expressions of jealousy come out confrontational and indirect (e.g. "I don't appreciate you telling me about your female coworker"); the speaker reads this as protectiveness and attraction, sometimes mixed with feeling not good enough for you.
  • They stare at you, sometimes without realizing it, when you wear or do something attractive; framed as them being less socially self-aware and slow to process feelings.
  • Physical touch is warm and lingering (rubbing your waist, touching your face, playing with your hair), the slow pace reflecting their processing of attraction.