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5 things AVOIDANTS ONLY do when they're DEEPLY ATTACHED

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnIEPkpiJWE

The speaker, a therapist, claims dismissive and fearful-leaning-dismissive avoidants rarely say "I love you" but show love through actions, and lists five behaviors that signal deep attachment.

Key points

  • Avoidants are not expressive and may not say love out loud, which leaves partners feeling neglected; their love shows up in actions instead.
  • Asking you to instruct them. They ask how to respond so you feel cared for (e.g. "just tell me what you want me to say"). The speaker frames this as genuine effort, not a brush-off; emotional responsiveness is a skill, "like a muscle," they can build, not a personality or neurological flaw.
  • Making sacrifices. Giving up time, habits, or preferences without making you feel guilty (example: getting the brownie with nuts you like even though they dislike nuts). Sacrifice can feel like weakness given how they were raised (emotions don't matter, caring equals neediness), so doing it anyway signals love.
  • Following through on their word. Doing things outside their comfort zone they promised (e.g. throwing a surprise party they would normally avoid); if it fails, they apologize and explain why.
  • Adding clarity to misconceptions. Reacting strongly to clear up suspicion (e.g. showing you a late text is just a colleague, offering their phone password) not from guilt but from fear of losing you, since they know they give less than you want.
  • Being less triggered by what used to trigger them. Softening on topics like moving in ("it's on my mind," "I haven't ruled it out") is framed as real progress and likely intent, not avoidance.