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Giving them space ends up helping everyone involved

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usC_9fJAzKI

When you give an avoidant space, they first feel relief, then start to wonder if you actually listened, and finally step into the space themselves -- which is what you want.

Key points

  • Avoidants regulate by withdrawing; giving them space lets them do that without being pushed into further retreat.
  • When you stop flooding them with texts and emotional pressure, they feel heard and reassured -- closeness to security, not chaos.
  • After relief, they shift to curiosity: "They actually respected my need?" -- that shift is the opening.
  • Give space genuinely, not as a manipulation tactic; authenticity matters or the dynamic breaks down.