Fearful avoidant vs dismissive avoidant

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vM2MpbxplEY

Fearful and dismissive avoidants both avoid intimacy but for opposite reasons -- fearful avoidants fear being hurt, dismissive avoidants fear being needed.

Key points

• Fearful avoidant: craves closeness but is terrified of it; bonds fast, feels deeply, swings between "don't leave me" and pulling away; disappears out of fear, not indifference.
• Dismissive avoidant: values independence over intimacy; suppresses emotions, detaches before bonding deeply, shuts down when needs or expectations appear; goes numb rather than spiraling.
• Core fear differs: fearful avoidant -- "love isn't safe"; dismissive avoidant -- "if I rely on someone, I lose myself."
• Understanding the pattern doesn't mean tolerating the behavior; attachment wounds don't heal with love alone.