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The Weird Things Avoidants Do If They Like You

Channel: Chris Seiter
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTo-fUVfriM

The speaker, a self-described former dismissive avoidant, walks through five "weird" behaviors he says avoidants exhibit when they actually like someone, framing them as contradictory attempts to connect while protecting themselves.

Key points

1. Preemptive breakup planning

  • They lay groundwork for a breakup before a relationship even starts. The speaker recounts repeatedly telling a date "we're just friends" to keep an exit open.
  • Tactics: insisting on no-strings/casual, creating emotional distance early, dropping hints ("I'm not good at relationships"), engineering conflict, and referencing past failures to set expectations low.

2. Micro gifting

  • Drawing on an avoidant-attachment subreddit, he says avoidants downplay gifts received (ignore, break, lose, or re-buy them) and minimize gifts they give.
  • Micro gifts (named after "micro cheating," which he once discussed on Fox News) include the "found object," the "practical but impersonal" item, and the "I got it for free" gift -- all framed to soften potential rejection.

3. Avoidant love language

  • Counterintuitively not acts of service. Citing a therapist site (Relationship Matters Therapy) and a Reddit thread where 4 of 11 avoidants unprompted named quality time and physical touch, he argues those are the avoidant favorites despite requiring closeness.

4. Intellectual sparring

  • Quoting "Attached" (Levine and Heller, p. 115, the "intellectual equal" passage), he says avoidants debate or challenge rather than flirt -- a way to bond without vulnerability and to feel superior, setting up another escape route.

5. Purposeful emotional distance

  • Distancing as a test of safety, not just fear. Stages: subtle testing (pulling back to see if you chase), silent check-ins (liking old posts, asking mutual friends), creating openings for you to initiate, and detached "reverse support."

  • He closes by saying avoidants are not monsters; their behavior masks a vulnerable person hoping to be understood, though leaving may still be the right choice for many.

Reception

  • High engagement (1,605 comments); sentiment is heavily negative toward dating avoidants, with many warning others to walk away.
  • Recurring theme: secure people describe becoming anxious or having their mental health deteriorate after months or years with an avoidant partner.
  • Several top comments call avoidants "damaged" or "disabled"; "Step 1: AVOID them" was widely upvoted.
  • A vocal minority of self-identified avoidants pushed back, attributing the pattern to childhood trauma and asking for empathy rather than dehumanization; one's long comment about an abusive father drew strong support.
  • A couple of avoidants advocated radical honesty and early disclosure of their attachment style as the responsible path.
  • One commenter posted a tidy numbered recap of all five "doors," reflecting that viewers found the framework clear.