if you LEAVE like this, AVOIDANTS REGRET LOSING you

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSxW5ccdXIk

The speaker (a therapist) claims an avoidant's regret after a breakup is driven not by the act of leaving but by how you left and how you behaved throughout the relationship, especially in emotionally charged moments.

Key points

• Avoidants watch how you handle emotionally charged situations (arguing, not getting your way, leaving) because they know they handle them poorly. Staying regulated, clear, direct, and compassionate is what makes them regret losing you.
• Four behaviors that, per the speaker, produce genuine regret:
• You left after trying many times, giving repeated chances to change. This signals you are patient and weren't playing games or reacting in frustration; avoidants value patience and often want to come back to show they've changed.
• You left with respect and stated clear reasons, framed as "I" statements about your own needs and limits rather than accusations. The avoidant may even fight to keep the relationship.
• You did not insult, name-call, or compare them; you talked about yourself, not against them.
• You did not slam the door shut (no "never contact me again"). Leaving it calm and open makes regret more likely.
• Claims younger or less self-aware avoidants often did not realize how close you were to leaving, having dismissed your complaints as "too much" or criticism; the actual departure is what wakes them up.
• Notes anxious and fearful-leaning types often feel these calm "I" statements internally but escalate emotionally instead, due to a history of not being heard or childhood trauma.