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the growth that we've both had to go through has been completely worth it

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMUsJ7ejkvI

Mack (self-identified avoidant) describes how she and her anxious-secure partner built a workable system for navigating her need for space without leaving him feeling deprioritized.

Key points

  • Early on, going 6+ hours without reaching out made him feel unprioritized; her instinct was to defend the need for space, but choosing the relationship meant acknowledging his experience.
  • The fix was communication: signaling in advance when she needs to decompress, rather than taking space unannounced.
  • They established a nightly check-in at 9:30 pm -- a reliable anchor that gives him security and her the freedom to self-regulate during the day.
  • Both partners have to give something: she communicates her overwhelm proactively; he accepts that her need for space is structural, not rejection.