Skip to content

these are TESTS you MUST pass for AVOIDANT to PICK you

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynoZZCzW46Q

The speaker claims avoidants vet partners harder than other attachment styles, so behavior that feels like being pushed away is often a series of compatibility "tests" run before they commit.

Key points

  • Avoidants are very particular and often single a long time before choosing; they vet later partners harder because those partners matter more.
  • Reaction to honesty. They tell you a hard truth (e.g. "I'm not looking for drama," "I don't argue to win, I argue to understand") to see if you accept their perspective without holding it over them or needing your needs met every time. They want a relationship without walking on eggshells.
  • Many avoidants are dishonest (speaker estimates 50/50), often because past anxiously-attached, unhealed partners did not value their honesty.
  • Moral integrity. They watch actions over words, valuing discipline, self-respect, independence, loyalty, honesty; they dislike gossip (especially dismissive avoidants), blaming, competitiveness, and jealousy.
  • Comfort with simplicity. They offer love as steady low-maintenance presence (always there, answers the phone, quiet dinners, meaningful conversation), not grand gestures; grand gestures usually signal insecurity. They test whether you can feel loved without constant chasing, validation, or attention.
  • Timeline and patience. They take things slow (not stalling) and avoid labels; they check whether you will pressure them or let it develop and receive their love without pushing for a label.
  • Lifestyle compatibility. Often few friends, work-oriented, routine-bound and rigid about time; they check if you fit their life without threatening their independence or forcing socializing.
  • Respect for autonomy. They test whether you respect alone time, outside friendships, long work hours, solo trips, and big goals (e.g. moving or starting a business elsewhere).